Question concerning sex addicts in the industry.

[Eric Northman 16522]

Wow...perhaps I was a little harsh. Clearly you've got some shit going on. Good luck dealing with all that. Certainly makes me feel glad to not have those sorts of issues.

 

I would like to address one of your points. I'm pretty sure that PTSD stuff among sex workers is very strongly correlated with the legal/social environment. In places where it's illegal and underground, it's much more dangerous and traumatic but the problems are not inherent to sex work. Just to the fact that working out of cars or on the street exposes one to rapes, beatings, robberies and other things that could give ANYONE PTSD, not just a sex worker. Those who work in safe environments, screen clients, etc. (Thanks Internet!!!) have an outcome similar to any other service worker.

 

The meaning of sex is whatever you attach to it. It's not inherently good or bad. Paying for it isn't good or bad. It just is, was and always will be, what it is.

[Caged 210]

Wow...perhaps I was a little harsh. Clearly you've got some shit going on. Good luck dealing with all that. Certainly makes me feel glad to not have those sorts of issues.

 

I would like to address one of your points. I'm pretty sure that PTSD stuff among sex workers is very strongly correlated with the legal/social environment. In places where it's illegal and underground, it's much more dangerous and traumatic but the problems are not inherent to sex work. Just to the fact that working out of cars or on the street exposes one to rapes, beatings, robberies and other things that could give ANYONE PTSD, not just a sex worker. Those who work in safe environments, screen clients, etc. (Thanks Internet!!!) have an outcome similar to any other service worker.

 

The meaning of sex is whatever you attach to it. It's not inherently good or bad. Paying for it isn't good or bad. It just is, was and always will be, what it is.

 

You bring up many good points there. Except in cases of nonconsensual relations, I am not sure how the criminalization model benefits anyone, except maybe fines when sexual relations are engaged in in public when it then becomes a problem of public decency. If it is happening behind closed doors in a person's private room, and it's consentual, the government should treat it like any other business.

To treat it like any other business has its consequences though, since it would mean regulation like any other business. It could also mean regulating its advertizing given that it would be logical that those with mental sexual health problems would likely be overrepresented in the industry, just as other high-risk industries' advertizing is regulated to ensure people know help exists and where to turn when they need help. It's one thing to say a person should seek help, but he also needs first to be able to conceptualize that help does exist, and secondly know where to look for it.

I could even see an anonymous help ine for escorts to report clients who clearly request unprotected sex, where the escort could give his phone number, email address, or other contact information, not to punish him or out him, but rather for the helpline to then call him, send him a text message, or an email informing him that if he is struggling with compulsive sexual behaviour, where he can turn for help. I think it's reasonable to guess that most if not all clients who request unprotected sex suffer some form of compulsivity didorder. They'd have to be quite ignorant to not be aware of the dangers involved.

That said, if advertizing is properly regulated to ensure adequate educational content, problem clients would already be seeking help before they even contact the escort.

 

Additional Comments:

I can also mention that my partner, who has since left the industry herself soon after meeting me, likewise suffers PTSD acquired prior to entering the industry. We shouldn't assume that PTSD sufferers working in the industry necessarily acquired it while working in the industry. She also worked from the safety of home, yet faced one man who suddenly tried to strangle her before she slapped him and he came to his senses, apologized and left, and another got into a tugging match with her.

Possibly a contributing factor is that she does not know English (we communicate in her language), but it still indicates that mental health problems are certainly well represented in the industry.

[Eric Northman 16522]

Dude...I'm tapping out. You've successfully beaten me to death with walls of text, knocked my off balance with circular arguments and generally confused me to the point of not even remembering what the heck we were talking about in the first place.

 

I'm pretty sure you're either for or against something...not sure what at this point but I'm stumbling away, a broken and puzzled soul, victim of another round of internet pig wrestling.

 

"I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it." - George Bernard Shaw

[VedaSloan 119179]

I'm not your therapist; what you do when not with me doesn't concern me.

[Caged 210]

I'm not your therapist; what you do when not with me doesn't concern me.

 

I agree. That's why I said I think it should be the responsibility of the advertizing industry like BP for example to ensure potential clients are aware of the remedies available to them, so that people like yourself have no need to worry about it while still benefitting from it safety-wise by getting those who could benefit from such remedies to leave the industry before they ever meet you.

Remember too that the industry is so unregulated that some industry workers in Canada speak neither English nor French beyond what is required to place a simple ad on such websites. I should know: I communicate with my partner who was once in the industry in her language. They are also the ones who are likely to be the least comfortable calling the police except in the worst of emergencies due to visa concerns. My partner had told me of at least one man suddenly starting to strangle her when she slapped him, and she'd spent only three months in the industry. Only then had he snapped out of it and left. We can ask ourselves: though he was probably aware he had a problem, how aware was he of the existence of available remedies? Had it even crossed his mind that remedies existed or did he think he had to face his problem alone? What if he hadn't snapped out of it when she'd slapped him? How could she pass the information along to the English or French to blacklist him and vice versa? Also, how can a worker screen a client through the language barrier? It may be that non-English and non-French workers face different challenges from the two dominant ethnic groups in the industry and that this may have skewed my view of the problem in this thread.

Of course linguistic, racial, or other prejudices may lead some to believe that if they are not English or French it is therefore their problem, just as it's a client's problem if he doesn't know help is available until he attacks someone or otherwise puts someone's safety at risk, but I would think that just as anticipation and prevention is preferable to reaction, the safety of all workers and the wellbeing of all clients ought to be considered, just as in as any other industry.

It would seem to me that the more unregulated the industry is, the more we need to regulate the pertinent advertizing industry to compensate for the sake of worker safety, and as ironic as it might sound, caring for the wellbeing of potential clients could increase worker safety, so there could even be a selfish reason for workers, or at least those outside the English and French communities to support something like this, though I recognize that Lyla will naturally tend towards English due to the site's language.

[Guest *o*m*s]

I am a sex addict and I receive treatment every week with a Psychologist as well as addiction counselors. I am also however an alcoholic and drug addict (recovering). Coming to the realization and admitting to being a sex addict was much more difficult than realizing and admitting dependance to substances. Sex addiction is still much more stigmatized than alcoholism to the point where if you told someone you were an alcoholic and that's why you don't drink no one would bat an eye. But if you told someone you were a sex addict than they would look at you weird. There is actually debate amongst the scientific and psychology community as to whether sex addiction actually even exists, and I often wondered myself if it's even possible. After seeing in myself the exact addiction cycle happening with sex as I've seen with substances it became clear to me however. Sex addiction can even start to mess with your sexual orientation which starts to become all sorts of fucked up. You start to not even know who you are anymore. It's not uncommon for gay men to start seeking out sex with females, or for a straight man to start seeking out sex with men. Pornography in the digital age has a huge part to play in all of this. A person starts to become desensitized to regular sexual relationships to the point where it does nothing for them anymore. Sexual behaviors can also become learned behaviors, as they light up all the reward center spots in the brain, and keeps your subconscious mind craving that reward which is sex.

 

It's difficult. I've had stretches of sobriety, however I have gone so far as to pick up a case of beer or bottle of liqour on my way to see an SP because I knew how I would feel afterward and want it. I have yet in my life been able to be monogamous in a relationship and it kills me. Some may say that humans are not meant to be monogomous but there does seem to be some people able to do it, and that bothers me that I can't, because I don't want to hurt someone I love who is able to be that monogamous person. It's actually interesting that some have mentioned compulsivity issues in regards to sex addiction. I think it's an important topic, because i was put on a psychiatric med that is most prescribed for OCD and it has helped with sex addiction more than anything else I've ever tried.

[Guest s******ecan****]

Thanks for all the replies. I think there was a misunderstanding of my question, and that might have been my fault for not wording it clearly, so I'll make a more concrete comparison to alcoholism:

 

Let's say I'm an alcoholic, have never heard the term alcoholic before, know I have a problem, want help, am too ashamed to admit to anyone close to me that I need help, have never heard of Alcoholics Anonymous, and cannot even imagine that help exists and so seeking help has never crossed my mind, me thinking that my own will power alone is all the help I will get.

Now let's suppose the alcoholic beverage industry decided to label its products with a quick sentence saying that if you need help to quit drinking, just contact AA, and provides the AA website. This would hardly be accusing each buyer of being an alcoholic, nor would it be claiming to psychoanalyse the customer or provide professional medical help. Rather it would merely be informing me that if I fall in that category, that help does exist and showing me where I can find it, but offer no help beyond just pointing the finger in the right direction.

 

Considering STD risks in this industry, it would seem to make sense that BP and other such websites inform clients with compulsive behaviours that help exists, and just point the finger in the right direction, since some might have never heard of sex therapy or support groups for compulsive sexual behaviour, let alone imagine the possibility of its existence.

We see similar labels on cigarette packages and bar walls concerning drinking during pregnancy and I believe lottery tickets too, and food products will often include allergy warnings and all include a list of ingredients. Toys will often include warning labels too. The advertizing of many products and services is highly regulated for reasons of public safety. So I guess my question is whether websites such as backpage should be equally regulated with the same public motives in mind.

 

I guess another way of looking at it is that if we hope for this industry to ever become legally 'normalized' and like any other industry, then the best way to garner public support for it would be to convince the public that it accepts its social responsibilities just like the food, toy, alcohol, cigarette, gambling, and every other industry. After all, if it insists on a 'social exemption' in one area, then it's natural that this can only turn the general public against it.

 

I'll reply to this post since you think it sums up your views better than your OP.

 

I think your idea of a "warning label" approach is impractical for a number of reasons.

 

First off there is (as has been stated by several posters) no consensus yet that "Sex Addiction" is a unique disorder. Hyper-sexuality, compulsive promiscuity, or compulsive infidelity are well established and widely observed but often as a part of a larger personality disorder. This could change of course through further research but for now the DSM doesn't agree with you that this exists as a separate unique illness.

 

Secondly there is no widespread public interest in mitigating the damages caused by hyper-sexuality. Alcohol abuse and gambling addiction affects millions of people and both have been shown to have a substantial negative social and economic effects. This is not meant to trivialize your own suffering or that of others who may be affected by this. Warning labels for tobacco, food, toys, appliances, etc etc affect millions as well.

 

Thirdly because the industry is essentially illegal and thus underground there is no governing authourity to impose warning labels. You can't expect advertisers like BP to take on the responsibility because once again the activity is illegal. At best you can only advocate for individual providers to offer this and as you have seen there is not much enthusiasm. There is a very good reason why escorts should refuse to provide a warning like this and that is a legal one. Since advertising sexual services is illegal any escort providing your "warning label" info would in effect be admitting to advertising for sexual services. After all you're not advocating warning labels for "companionship addiction" if you get my point.

 

Lastly I don't think you've come close to linking the concept of hyper-sexuality with a an increased risk of STI transmission even within our small (relative to the general public) community. At this point you can't even offer a compelling public interest argument within our industry.

 

It's an interesting subject but I think the best you can do at this point is what you have tried already which is to share your personal story and attempt to advocate for what you believe in through forums like this.