Divulging your name

[Genevieve Marceau 68000]

We're splitting hairs here and I think we should probably put this argument to bed. Yes, I do think 1% is a very high estimate for the number of men that are dangerous violent psychopaths but that's neither here nor there. As I said, your screening methods are up to you and if some dude don't like them, then too bad for him.

 

Now if we wanted to have an interesting debate, we could discuss the efficacy of asking for real names. Is there any evidence to suggest that it's effective? Is there any reasonable way to know if someone actually gave their real name short of asking for ID at the door? Somehow I suspect that the host of other screening methods are far more effective. Things like polite communication, respecting of rules and generally 'not giving off a creepy vibe' style gut feelings, etc. The problem is, there's no real way to know if your methods are effective one way or another because what you think is good screening may just be good luck in not having hit the 'jackpot' of running into one of the rare monsters out there.

 

In any event, that would be getting off topic. Please ladies, stay safe and do whatever you need to in order to avoid trouble.

 

 

Well screening with the sole method of name verification is certainly not effective, and it would be silly to simply rely on that. I have never heard of a lady using such basic screening. It's quite patronizing to suggest that this is what we do. As you just said, polite communication and positive vibe makes all the difference. And yes, we do have methods to know your real name without verifying your ID on site.

 

The thread is about name divulgation, not general screening.

 

Now if you want to talk about stats and psychopath, note that between 1% and 3% of male population suffers from this personality disorder. However, I concede that the majority of them won't necessarily turn to physical or psychological violence. Yet *IT HAPPENS*, and not always from a clinically diagnosed freak. I didn't invent these numbers, you can easily look it up yourself.

 

I understand your ignorance as it is not your life that is on the line. Especially if you take such offence every time a woman speaks about male violence.

 

Having a real name won't tell you much about a person's state of mind, but you are right: relying on our gut feeling and intuition is our best tool at the end of the day.

 

How do I use your real name?

 

1. Hotel: To make sure that you have indeed make a reservation at the hotel and this is not a simple prank;

2. Google: If I Google your name and news article appear regarding your recent liberation from a 10 years sentence that you got for killing your wife (yes, this actually happened to me), I won't see you.

3. Social media: If I look you up on FB, IG, Twitter, etc. and that you are a devil worshiper and are into ritual sacrifices (yes, I got that too), I will most likely not see you as well.

3. Blacklist: if your names pops on one of the verification sites for bad clients - not necessarily as a psychokiller - but lets say just as a time waster, I won't see you.

[Eric Northman 16522]

Eric, with all due respect, you can guesstimate, assume, analyze, deduct all you want but the fact remains that you are not an SP and have no clue about the effectiveness of our screening methods, and what IS or is not, or what could be, or not, more effective, as a client of SPs.

 

...

 

Ladies know what is best for them, what works for them, know how to screen and do many other things... and I think clients should stay out of their business no matter how much they think they know about the industry and no matter how long they have been a "hobbyist".

 

Whoa! I never said anything about getting in anyone's business. I'm only stating the following:

 

1) Every lady has her own screening methods and, obviously, believe they work.

2) We don't really have any hard evidence (studies, etc.) to suggest that any one method is better than any other.

3) Because, as we've already agreed, violent men are in a minority, it's difficult to determine which methods are ACTUALLY effective and which are merely superstition.

 

It's an interesting subject and I think worthy of better responses than, "Shut up, you're not an SP, you don't know anything."

 

Scientific methods can be applied to many things and I believe that actually studying the effectiveness of screening methods could be very helpful and actually improve the safety of sex workers. I don't believe any real research has been done in this area.

[fr33yay0 1172]

It's been a great debate none the less... Lots of pertinent information on both sides if you ask me.

[Eric Northman 16522]

Well screening with the sole method of name verification is certainly not effective, and it would be silly to simply rely on that. I have never heard of a lady using such basic screening. As you just said, polite communication and positive vibe makes all the difference. And yes, we do have methods to know your real name without verifying your ID on site.

 

The thread is about name divulgation, not general screening.

 

Now if you want to talk about stats and psychopath, note that between 1% and 3% of male population suffers from this personality disorder. However, I concede that the majority of them won't necessarily turn to physical or psychological violence. I didn't invent these numbers, you can easily look it up yourself.

 

Having a real name won't tell you much about a person's state of mind, but you are right: relying on our gut feeling and intuition is our best tool at the end of the day.

 

How do I use your real name?

 

1. Hotel: To make sure that you have indeed make a reservation at the hotel and this is not a simple prank;

2. Google: If I Google your name and news article appear regarding your recent liberation from a 10 years sentence that you got for killing your wife (yes, this actually happened to me), I won't see you.

3. Social media: If I look you up on FB, IG, Twitter, etc. and that you are a devil worshiper and are into ritual sacrifices (yes, I got that too), I will most likely not see you as well.

3. Blacklist: if your names pops on one of the verification sites for bad clients - not necessarily as a psychokiller - but lets say just as a time waster, I won't see you.

 

Thanks Genevieve. That was really informative. You're right, this thread is definitely expanding past it's original scope and I for one am quite satisfied to let it drop. I really appreciate the insight you've given here though. I can't say I envy your position. I certainly have never had to worry about my safety in my day to day life.

[misterdiscretion2014 2032]

There has been some good thoughts put forward, but the rule about not saying anything when you can't say something nice has not always been observed.

[Eric Northman 16522]

Now if you want to talk about stats and psychopath, note that between 1% and 3% of male population suffers from this personality disorder. However, I concede that the majority of them won't necessarily turn to physical or psychological violence. I didn't invent these numbers, you can easily look it up yourself.

 

Oooh...this is a fun one and again, off topic but yes, I've heard that before. Many psychopaths out there but more of them are CEOs and salesmen than murderers. I think the violent ones might be 1% of the 1% or some such.

 

But I notice you use the word "men". Heh. It's not just men...female psychopaths present with the same frequency as men. So here's a question for you.

 

Do you think female psychopaths are over-represented, under-represented or more or less on par amongst sex workers? I know that at least one woman I met was a complete sociopath but my sample size is very small.

 

Additional Comments:

There has been some good thoughts put forward, but the rule about not saying anything when you can't say something nice has not always been observed.

 

Really? I think this debate has been VERY civilized from the standards of internet forums. There have been a few ruffled feathers but nobody has gotten particularly out of line.

[Gabriella Laurence 301887]

Whoa! I never said anything about getting in anyone's business. I'm only stating the following:

 

1) Every lady has her own screening methods and, obviously, believe they work.

2) We don't really have any hard evidence (studies, etc.) to suggest that any one method is better than any other.

3) Because, as we've already agreed, violent men are in a minority, it's difficult to determine which methods are ACTUALLY effective and which are merely superstition.

 

It's an interesting subject and I think worthy of better responses than, "Shut up, you're not an SP, you don't know anything."

 

Scientific methods can be applied to many things and I believe that actually studying the effectiveness of screening methods could be very helpful and actually improve the safety of sex workers. I don't believe any real research has been done in this area.

I don't need external scientific studies to be conducted to know, for a fact, as an SP with experience, that my screening methods work and have saved me from a few potential bad dates because of the person(s) contacting me. I also know that I'm not the only one.

 

Implying nothing has happened to me or others because of the luck of the draw and so-called superstition is insulting at best.

 

Anyway, I'm done.

 

Cheers

[Eric Northman 16522]

I don't need external scientific studies to be conducted to know, for a fact, as an SP with experience, that my screening methods work and have saved me from a few potential bad dates because of the person(s) contacting me. I also know that I'm not the only one.

 

Suggesting nothing has happened to me or others because of the luck of the draw and so-called superstition is insulting at best.

 

Anyway, I'm done.

 

Cheers

 

I'm sorry that you keep interpreting my responses as a personal attack. I'm not suggesting your methods don't work and I'm not suggesting that your success is better than random chance.

 

What I'm saying is, what if it just so happens that you have managed to come up with the very best of all possible screening procedures? Whether by luck or by the fact that you're a genius, it just so happens that your methods are superior to all others out there.

 

Furthermore, suppose that if one were to statistically analyze these methods, it turns out that 4 of the 5 things you do are really effective, but 1, as it happens, isn't effective. It just happened to wind up in the list but doesn't actually contribute anything to the results. Wouldn't it be cool to have that kind of insight?

 

This is really just a flight of fancy. There's no easy way (and potentially not even a hard way) to analyze this. But wouldn't it be cool if there was? Conduct experiments using different screening methods in isolation and combination, measure the results, perform statistical analysis, etc. Science!!

 

This kind of thing is done in many different fields. The movie Moneyball was all about doing this kind of analysis in baseball and much of psychiatry is simply about statistical analysis of many seemingly unrelated bits of data. Imagine what that kind of serious research could do for your profession?

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

éassult

Oooh...this is a fun one and again, off topic but yes, I've heard that before. Many psychopaths out there but more of them are CEOs and salesmen than murderers. I think the violent ones might be 1% of the 1% or some such.

 

But I notice you use the word "men". Heh. It's not just men...female psychopaths present with the same frequency as men. So here's a question for you.

 

Do you think female psychopaths are over-represented, under-represented or more or less on par amongst sex workers? I know that at least one woman I met was a complete sociopath but my sample size is very small.

 

Additional Comments:

 

 

Really? I think this debate has been VERY civilized from the standards of internet forums. There have been a few ruffled feathers but nobody has gotten particularly out of line.

 

Speaking about scientific,

 

We should acknowledge that there are vast differences in being a psychopath ( meaning psychologically delusional ), and sociopaths ( do not know or understand how society works and how to get along in it ) and the violent criminal ( such as a common rapist or violent assaults. )

 

So yes the violent criminal is much more predominate in our world and industry than the others mentioned. Specifically the kind that can not handle rejection. And to be rejected by a lady like us hit them extra hard, which is when they tend to try to find our locations for revenge purposes. At least with screening we can limit who can reach us or not. I have had a few to try, actually not too long ago. If I did not screen him in this method, lord knows what could have happened. It doesn't just happen in the movies.

[Eric Northman 16522]

Speaking about scientific,

 

You should know that there are vast differences in being a psychopath ( meaning psychologically delusional ), and sociopaths ( do not know or understand how society works and how to get along in it ) and the violent criminal ( such as a common rapist )

 

So yes the violent criminal is much more predominate in our world and industry than the others mentioned. Specifically the kind that can not handle rejection. And to be rejected by a lady like us hit them extra hard, which is when they tend to try to find our locations for revenge purposes. At least with screening we can limit who can reach us or not. I have had a few to try, actually not too long ago. If I did not screen him in this method, lord knows what could have happened. It doesn't just happen in the movies.

 

That is definitely something I can believe. Unfortunately a lot of psychos are VERY good at appearing normal until it's too late.

 

There's a very interesting book called The Wisdom of Psychopaths that talks a lot about the psychopaths living among us. It actually makes the argument that there are some traits that are actually very useful, particularly in our modern world. It makes sense really since purely negative traits tend to evolve out of a population.

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

That is definitely something I can believe. Unfortunately a lot of psychos are VERY good at appearing normal until it's too late.

 

There's a very interesting book called The Wisdom of Psychopaths that talks a lot about the psychopaths living among us. It actually makes the argument that there are some traits that are actually very useful, particularly in our modern world. It makes sense really since purely negative traits tend to evolve out of a population.

 

Yes, that is true, psychopaths are much harder to see coming. And at the end of the day, no one can screen enough against that type.

 

But what I am pointing out, the violent aggressor is much more common and therefore we deal with more often. I have had many stalkers, and is tiring to figure out who is real or not. It can literally make you nuts and scared. I have had a few slip threw get my location then not show up. Now with computer apps it is even harder.

 

With that said, a sad sad fact is that 8-10 women have faced rape in one form or another ie: childhood molestation, violent random attacks or on a date. This is a very very good reason why probably 8-10 women are extra extra cautious. Think about it next time you sit in a room, and count 10 women, 8 of them probably already dealt with this. It is a disgrace indeed.

[misterdiscretion2014 2032]

Really? I think this debate has been VERY civilized from the standards of internet forums. There have been a few ruffled feathers but nobody has gotten particularly out of line.

 

It's just my opinion, in a sea of many. I find that online discussions like this one quickly turn to heated debates, which most often devolve into two differing points of view stating the same facts over and over and insisting the other side doesn't appreciate their point of view, or know what they're talking about. I see where people are coming from, but once two opposing sides who are never going to change their opinions keep "debating', it usually ends poorly.

 

I think some great thoughts have been put out there, but the major takeaways, "sp's value their safety above all else (and with good reason)" and "some guys are worried their personal info will be used against them (with somewhat less of a good reason)" were there after a few posts.

[Eric Northman 16522]

Hey man, we've moved on...now we're talking about psychopaths and scientific studies of screening methods. That full name disclosure stuff? That's so yesterday. Stay with the tour dude.

 

;-)

[Genevieve Marceau 68000]

Eric Northman

 

Oooh...this is a fun one and again, off topic but yes, I've heard that before. Many psychopaths out there but more of them are CEOs and salesmen than murderers. I think the violent ones might be 1% of the 1% or some such.

 

But I notice you use the word "men". Heh. It's not just men...female psychopaths present with the same frequency as men. So here's a question for you.

 

Do you think female psychopaths are over-represented, under-represented or more or less on par amongst sex workers? I know that at least one woman I met was a complete sociopath but my sample size is very small.

Most psychopath are in fact male, yes. Just like most people who suffers from the Borderline personality disorder are females. It is simply the way it is.

 

I am not sure what is your point by deflecting the debate on female psychopathy among the sex workers. Again, you really don't like to hear that females are victim of daily violence, eh? Empathetic my ass. I am not sure why you take this as such a personal level, but if the shoe fits...

 

The thing is that if a female sex worker demonstrates signs of psychopathy, she won't last very long in this business. If you are smart and stick to reputable providers (as repeatedly said on this thread), it is very unlikely that you would become victim of one.

 

Have you ever been physically threaten or abused by a female sex worker? Have you ever heard of such instance? The reality is that what clients probably fear the most when meeting a new escort is that she won't look like her picture.

 

Really it's not rocket science.

[Guest D***el B***e]

So we went from Divulging your Name all the way to Female Psychopaths. Holy Cow, how did that happen? lol This is so ... uhhh, what's the word I'm looking for, oh ya ... depressing! but since there's very hard-headed folks leading the discussion we should make it to 20 pages in no time flat. lol lol. Wake me up when we're discussing concussions on wheelchair bound transgender former pro athletes in the early stages of parkinson's disease. I have an opinion on that.

[Eric Northman 16522]

Most psychopath are in fact male, yes. Just like most people who suffers from the Borderline personality disorder are females. It is simply the way it is.

 

Not according to the articles I read. They may present in different ways but fundamentally, the diagnosis is the same.

 

I am not sure what is your point by deflecting the debate on female psychopathy among the sex workers. Again, you really don't like to hear that females are victim of daily violence, eh? Empathetic my ass. I am not sure why you take this as such a personal level, but if the shoe fits...

 

That is an ad hominem attack. I've not said anything supporting violence or implying that I don't want to hear about it. I'm not deflecting, merely sharing an interesting thought I had. These are how discussions work. Conversations flow, people think of new things. I was merely wondering if, like CEOs, surgeons and salesmen, there might be some aspects of psychopathy that are particularly suitable for sex work. Again, don't read anything more than what was said. The question was about representation and whether there might be either more or fewer psychopaths amongst SWs than in the general population.

 

The thing is that if a female sex worker demonstrate signs of psychopathy, she won't last very long in this business. If you are smart and stick to reputable providers (as repeatedly said on this thread), it is very unlikely that you would become victim of one.

 

See this is where I disagree but it might be we have different definitions of what psychopath means. Wikipedia talks about many traits including boldness, dis-inhibition, lack of empathy and remorse, etc. To me, those might be traits that could actually be useful to someone in the sex work field.

 

And yet once again, don't take it as anything more that a topic for discussion. Not suggesting you or anyone else in this field is a psycho or even more likely to be one. Only pondering the question of whether it might be USEFUL to be one.

 

Almost all the ladies I've met have struck me as warm, personable and empathetic individuals. But might not a psychopath be particularly good at faking that?

[misterdiscretion2014 2032]

Hey man, we've moved on...now we're talking about psychopaths and scientific studies of screening methods. That full name disclosure stuff? That's so yesterday. Stay with the tour dude.

 

;-)

 

I will try to keep abreast of new developments in the future. Also, while I do agree that this discussion has indeed been more civilized than most internet forums, I don't think that is setting the bar particularly high :p

[Eric Northman 16522]

I will try to keep abreast of new developments in the future. Also, while I do agree that this discussion has indeed been more civilized than most internet forums, I don't think that is setting the bar particularly high :p

 

I think this is great fun. Truly, I'm not trolling but it's very interesting to have these provocative discussions. There seem to be very intelligent and thoughtful people here on Lyla and hearing all sorts of different opinions is what makes us rounded individuals.

 

I do apologize if I've offended anyone. It's rarely my intent but I do type faster than I think sometimes.

[misterdiscretion2014 2032]

I do apologize if I've offended anyone. It's rarely my intent but I do type faster than I think sometimes.

 

I was not singling you out, as I don't find that productive. Individual stupidity is something the MOD should monitor, not the rank and file members, so if I thought you were a habitual line crosser, I would complain to the site itself. I don't think anything stated here was horribly negative, but I did feel like some of the comments being made betrayed the positive spirit of the board, so like any other idiot with an opinion, I stated it :D

 

After recent changes to the law came into play, I felt like this site had become more snippy and contrary, but I've come to realize that these types of threads and comments have always existed, they were just heavily diluted by the significantly higher volume of sp ads, as well as some other threads relating to certain aspects of the business none of us are very comfortable discussing.

 

I am hopeful this country comes to its collective senses and we can go back to our usual conversations on lust and debauchery!

[johnybird 4391]

I am hopeful this country comes to its collective senses and we can go back to our usual conversations on lust and debauchery!

 

Debauchery... I like Debauchery... I would definitely give my full name for some Debauchery...:grin:

[oldblueeyez 15475]

I'm going to be blunt and I'm sure quite a few of you will get your jockeys in a bunch, but it needs to be said.

I'm going to be blunt and I'm sure quite a few of you will get your jockeys in a bunch, but it needs to be said.

 

In big city life, you're right, who gives a fcuk? But for I and others who live in the sticks, gossip equals truth. I won't go into how, but I know for a fact that a CERB member is/was an opiate addict and while I may trust her, I don't trust her addiction. Even if there's no attempt to extort money, some people just get a kick out of outing people on thedirty; it doesn't have to be the SP who does it but simply a trusted friend she's confided in.

 

I have noticed recently that some SPs have left their laptops open (which means the cam could be recording if they were so inclined). I'd rather I'd been recorded when I was 25 and hot, but the next time I see an open laptop I'm slamming it shut.

 

We're no angels here (well some are lol), and given the new laws, if a SP has your personal information and LE comes a knocking on her door threatening her to "give up your list" or we'll charge you for whatever (narcotics possession, etc.), what do you think's going to happen?

 

But yeah, 99.9% of the time, who gives a fcuk? I will say, however, that I've been at it for 25 years and for 25 years I've not given my real name.

[oldblueeyez 15475]

she threatened to send compromising pictures of him to his family unless he paid her $20,000

[CristyCurves 169032]

she threatened to send compromising pictures of him to his family unless he paid her $20,000

 

Not sure what your point is with this post. As it mentioned they dated for months. Unless I'm misunderstanding and reading it wrong. Most who date know one another's real names.

[oldblueeyez 15475]

Not sure what your point is with this post. As it mentioned they dated for months. Unless I'm misunderstanding and reading it wrong. Most who date know one another's real names.

 

 

That's not how it started. :P

[Kathryn Bardot 99339]

Not according to the articles I read. They may present in different ways but fundamentally, the diagnosis is the same.

The diagnostic criteria for psychopathy and borderline personality disorder are NOWHERE near the same. Not at all.

 

I don't know what articles you are reading, but for one, Wikipedia is not always the best source of information.

 

Best,

Someone who has studied psychology.